April 7, 2008

The letter finally came!

After spending several days with my family in South Dakota I came home to find a letter from my university department. I just knew what was in it. I didn't want to open it. I just looked at it... avoided it.

I took my comprehensive test for my master's program two weeks ago, and have been trying to forget the experience. I hate taking tests. Any kind of test. I get anxious. I try to study, but am easily distracted. I go into the test, trying to be positive, but knowing I could have studied more. I am never the first person done, but closer to the last. With each person that stands up and leaves the room, my anxiety goes up.

After taking this particular test, I was relieved to be done, but really had a deep down feeling I didn't pass. I didn't feel prepared, and walked out of the room in a fog. The last 2 weeks, I have been pushing the memories of the exam to the back of my mind. I didn't want to feel the anxiety until my test results came in! My thoughts and feelings were all over the place.
Sad as it may seem, I had even found a calm place were I was okay if I didn't pass (upset and disappointed, but okay).

I finally opened it... and just stared at it.



I passed!



Sure, I'm VERY pleased and excited that I passed, yet I still have a mix of emotions about it. I didn't pass with flying colors, but that is okay. I know the test doesn't measure who I am, nor does it measure exactly what I was taught (or what I learned) in my program (the exam our program has us take is a very generalized exam, counseling, and I have a specialized area, college student development/student affairs...).

I am most happy that now I can move on. I can relax, at least in this area. I will graduate. Unfortunately, I have a list a mile long of things to do. Now, where to begin...

12 comments:

  1. Congrats! I'm sure that is a big weight off of your shoulders.

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  2. oh yea! I am soooo happy for you! Congrats!!!!!

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  3. Ta daaa! Way to go!

    It's so stressful when so much depends on the test. It's almost anticlimactic when it's over.

    I'm happy for you, girlfriend!

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  4. Hurray!!! I remember taking my exams... Yuck!x

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  5. Congratulations! Reading this post is like reading my own thoughts. I can never be okay with not passing, either, and I stress out for weeks over how I did on a test or project. So I definitely feel your pain and now I get to feel your excitement, too. Way to go!

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  6. Congratulations!!!! WOW!!!

    Have a great evening - nice to see you. Kellan

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  7. CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is so exciting! I am the exact same way with tests. You should be proud of yourself. Go celebrate!

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  8. congratulations! how could you so inconfidence about your self?
    go girl go!

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