April 7, 2008

The letter finally came!

After spending several days with my family in South Dakota I came home to find a letter from my university department. I just knew what was in it. I didn't want to open it. I just looked at it... avoided it.

I took my comprehensive test for my master's program two weeks ago, and have been trying to forget the experience. I hate taking tests. Any kind of test. I get anxious. I try to study, but am easily distracted. I go into the test, trying to be positive, but knowing I could have studied more. I am never the first person done, but closer to the last. With each person that stands up and leaves the room, my anxiety goes up.

After taking this particular test, I was relieved to be done, but really had a deep down feeling I didn't pass. I didn't feel prepared, and walked out of the room in a fog. The last 2 weeks, I have been pushing the memories of the exam to the back of my mind. I didn't want to feel the anxiety until my test results came in! My thoughts and feelings were all over the place.
Sad as it may seem, I had even found a calm place were I was okay if I didn't pass (upset and disappointed, but okay).

I finally opened it... and just stared at it.

I passed!

Sure, I'm VERY pleased and excited that I passed, yet I still have a mix of emotions about it. I didn't pass with flying colors, but that is okay. I know the test doesn't measure who I am, nor does it measure exactly what I was taught (or what I learned) in my program (the exam our program has us take is a very generalized exam, counseling, and I have a specialized area, college student development/student affairs...).

I am most happy that now I can move on. I can relax, at least in this area. I will graduate. Unfortunately, I have a list a mile long of things to do. Now, where to begin...


  1. Congrats! I'm sure that is a big weight off of your shoulders.

  2. oh yea! I am soooo happy for you! Congrats!!!!!

  3. Ta daaa! Way to go!

    It's so stressful when so much depends on the test. It's almost anticlimactic when it's over.

    I'm happy for you, girlfriend!

  4. Hurray!!! I remember taking my exams... Yuck!x

  5. Congratulations! Reading this post is like reading my own thoughts. I can never be okay with not passing, either, and I stress out for weeks over how I did on a test or project. So I definitely feel your pain and now I get to feel your excitement, too. Way to go!

  6. Congratulations!!!! WOW!!!

    Have a great evening - nice to see you. Kellan

  7. CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is so exciting! I am the exact same way with tests. You should be proud of yourself. Go celebrate!

  8. congratulations! how could you so inconfidence about your self?
    go girl go!