spilling it all out

I'm frustrated...

I'm ticked off...

I'm tired...

I'm grumpy...

I'm ready for a vacation... wait... no, that is part of the problem!

Ha. Yeah. So My husband and I have been planning to go on our 5 year wedding anniversary trip. We only booked it a couple weeks ago, and we leave tomorrow. Yeah. Tomorrow.

I am not packed. Heck, the laundry isn't done and I have nothing to wear. I went a couple places after work to try to find a new shirt, or two and wasted way too much time trying on items that didn't fit right, didn't come in the right size, were ugly... IFrustrating.

The dishes are not done. I couldn't log into my NWA account to check my flight. There is not a number to call and talk to a real live person. Instead a "chat" room. It took me way to long to get it fixed. Frustrating.

The floors are dirty. My computer keeps crashing. I couldn't find our "change jar" with our year of change to cash for the trip (disappeared after the move and yeah, still not unpacked).The mail isn't sorted. Heck, one night of hotel isn't booked... yeah, Frustrating.

I keep being snippy with Husband. I don't mean to. (I'm sorry husband...). Things are just frustrating right now. I'm really trying to be patient and happy!

Plus Dakota isn't here. Yeah. See normally when I have a bad day and arrive home before husband, Dakota greets me with a huge smile and wag of his tail. He doesn't care I haven't had time to give him a bath in way to many days, or that the dishes are dirty, and my bank account is low. He doesn't judge me, tell me I shouldn't spend so much on scrapbooking supplies, or do the dishes more often. He is just happy to see me. Anyhow. Dakota went to spend time with family while we are out of town, and I miss him already.

*Deep breath*

Okay. So. Yes, we are going on vacation. I am very excited to get away and spend some much need time relaxing with Husband. I obviously am needing some time away...

Thus will not be posting for a bit. However please do not leave me! I need you all when I get back! I will have all kinds of stories to share, plus that big exciting news I continue to tell you about and never share... yeah, it IS really coming. I promise by the first weekend in June! :-)

Oh, Be sure to subscribe to my twitter feed, as I'll be updating with the up to the minute details of our adventure. Those that do will be able to guess where we are!!!

Raw Emotions

Today was tough. SO many crappy things happened. One particular interaction I had today prompted some strong emotions. This leads me to sharing with you some very important life saving information...


Did you know...

• 1 of 4 will experience a depressed mood before they are 24 years old
• Almost 1/2 of college students reports being depressed at some point to the point of having trouble functioning
  
• Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in people ages 15-24 and 2nd leading cause of death among college students
• Over 32,000 people die by suicide every year (USA)
• It is estimated that a suicide attempt is made every minute, and a person dies by suicide every 16 minutes (USA)
• 1,500 people attempt suicide each day (USA)

Warning signs...

• Indications of an abusive relationship
• Mood Swings and/or sudden personality change
• School or work performance significantly declining
• No friends, or suddenly not spending time with friends
• Signs of an eating disorder
• Cutting
  
• Fixation with violence/death
• Depression
• Comments such as: "I'm going to end it all", "What's the point of living", Who cares if I'm around anyhow".
• Giving away important items
• Saying there is a plan to to end things

If you suspect someone you know is considering suicide, it is essential to talk to them. Do not be afraid to directly, but gently, ask them if they are considering suicide. Contrary to some belief, this does not give them the idea. Instead it gives them permission to honestly talk about it. By opening up this line of communication, it shows that someone really does notice them, and cares about them. Ask open ended questions, giving them the opportunity to answer with more than a "yes" or "no".



If you feel the person isn't in immediate danger, work with them to create a plan of action. Help them find resources, such as a doctor or counselor. It may also be helpful to offer to take the person to the appointment.



If the person has a plan, this is one major indication of level of seriousness. If the person is in immediate danger, call 911 or if needed, take the person to the ER or nearest hospital.



If you are considering suicide, remember you are not alone. There are MANY people that care about you and want to help. Please talk to someone. If you are not comfortable telling someone you know, please call 911.



Additional information can be found on the Mayo Clinic web site. Please take a couple moments to read through it. You never know when you could save someone's life.


Additional resources/and references for above stats:

• Suicide hot line numbers
• Hopeline
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• American Psychiatric Association (APA)
  

Can't Sleep

I was getting tired.

I went to bed early.

I can't sleep.

We are (re)looking at a house tomorrow, and I wanted to be bright eyed, and completely awake. However, here I am, almost 3 hours later, awake. I'm very tired. I want to sleep. UGH. Seriously.

This house thing is more stressful than it should be. Now, I realize when one is taking out a loan of this size (well, of any size I suppose) it should be something that should be thought over very carefully. The more someone is wanting to borrow, the more thought and care should be put into it. I get it. However, thought does not (well, should not) equal stress.

Husband and I love and want the same house. However we are on a different time line. I have though it out, talked it over (and over and over), looked at our finances, tried to not be too excited about it (just in case), and now, I am ready to just make an offer all ready!

Husband is more cautious. He loves this house too. However wants to double, triple check everything. He is interested in saving a little more and waiting a couple more weeks, then make an offer. (now with my income, yeah, a couple weeks makes a difference!).

On top of all that, he doesn't want to talk about it. I mean, we had the conversations, however he doesn't want to re-have them. The way my mind works, the longer I have to wait and wait and wait, the more I want to talk about it! This is how I don't explode with anxiety. I talk it to death!

I'm confused. I don't know what to do. I feel like I want to see this house again tomorrow morning, however what for? Why are we looking at it, if we are not going to make an offer soon? If we are making an offer in a couple weeks, then maybe we should wait a couple weeks to see it again... I don't know.

I have all these emotions running through me. I want to be excited, however mixed in is frustration, confusion, and anxiety. I don't want to look back on my buying a house experience I remember how frustrated I was.

I want to be financially responsible, however I believe we are. We have a plan, or 2.

We have a budget. We are doing really well with it.

I want this house.

However I almost want to just forget about it.

I don't want to be at odds with Husband.

Right now, I want to sleep, but I cannot.

Seriously. Why is this so hard?

Each journey begins with a single step

I have been pondering life. Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? I can I achieve my goals? Am I on the right path? Career wise? Spiritually? With Friends and Family? Who am I? Who do I want to be...


Maybe this is my sign...

A sign of what exactly, I'm not sure. However while using wordle today, I entered my blog address and hit "random" and it gave me a random shape, colors and font for this image. I instantly thought "footprint".

Thoughts?

Image made at Wordle.

On my mind

• I have an interview on Thursday for a really great position and opportunity. I'm so excited, however nervous and trying not to get my hopes up!
  
• I'll be helping with a scrapbook retreat this weekend! I'm assigned to the photo printing station! :-)
• I haven't packed for the scrapbook retreat. I'll squeeze that in between the interview and leaving for the retreat!
• The apartment is a mess! Before getting the call for the interview, I was sorting some of our treasures to be taken to Good Will, or the dumpster. I guess the mess will have to wait.
• I finally gave in and turned on the air conditioner. I was avoiding it, however today, as of now, it is 86 degrees. The fan wasn't cutting it.
• Speaking of it being super hot outside. I have nothing cool and comfortable to wear to the interview! I'm not looking forward to my suit. :(